Jan 19, 2009

Two Helpful Lists

List #1

Other things you can do with coffee filters:

  • Cover bowls or dishes when cooking in the microwave. Coffee filters make excellent covers.
  • Clean windows and mirrors. Coffee filters are lint-free so they'll leave windows sparkling.
  • Protect China. Separate your good dishes by putting a coffee filter between each dish.
  • Filter broken cork from wine. If you break the cork when opening a wine bottle, filter the wine through a coffee filter.
  • Protect a cast-iron skillet. Place a coffee filter in the skillet to absorb moisture and prevent rust.
  • Apply shoe polish. Ball up a lint-free coffee filter.
  • Recycle frying oil. After frying, strain oil through a sieve lined with a coffee filter.
  • Weigh chopped foods. Place chopped ingredients in a coffee filter on a kitchen scale.
  • Hold tacos. Coffee filters make convenient wrappers for messy foods.
  • Stop the soil from leaking out of a plant pot. Line a plant pot with a coffee filter to prevent the soil from going through the drainage holes.
  • Prevent a Popsicle from dripping. Poke one or two holes as needed in a coffee filter.
  • Do you think we used expensive strips to wax eyebrows? Use strips of coffee filters.
  • Put a few in a plate and put your fried bacon, French fries, chicken fingers, etc on them to absorb all the grease.
  • Keep in the bathroom. They make great "razor nick fixers."

List #2:

Things that are difficult to say when drunk:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things that are very difficult to say when drunk:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalist
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

Things that are downright impossible to say when drunk:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

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