Apr 2, 2009

Ode to England

It is just under two weeks until we head to England for a fortnight (that's two weeks) (I am just that hip with English lingo), and we can't wait. In addition to the chance to see family and have a second wedding in a castle and enjoy some relaxation, there are a few things in particular that I am looking forward to:

1. Teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy cars

We don't rent one because our luggage is approximately the same size as the vehicle itself, but I love watching them zip around. They make me feel like I'm living in a cartoon--every time I see one I expect Roger Rabbit to leap out of it and plant a big one on Jessica's sexy red rabbit lips. And parallel parking? Ain't no thang if you're driving one of these little beasties.

2. Old Stuff:

England has it going on when it comes to old buildings. I once made the mistake of mentioning one of America's historic buildings to an Englishman and got a bemused look like the one you'd give a three year old--one of those "kids say the cutest darn things" looks. England has grocery stores older than any of our so-called "historic"' buildings. Seriously.

3. Crazy tides

When the tide goes out in England, it goes out. Like, out to France or somewhere. I am fascinated by the sight of a harbor full of boats sitting on the ground waiting for the ocean to come back. One minute a beach and an hour later a deep harbor. Crazy.

4. Cream Teas

We are extremely lucky that America has no equivalent to English clotted cream. It is the crack cocaine of dairy foods and if it was available in this country we would all be hopeless addicts with butts as big as buses. It isn't easy to describe but try to imagine a combination of creamy full-fat ice cream, fresh butter and whipped cream and you'd have the general idea. You slather a thick layer of it on a freshly baked scone and add a little dab of strawberry preserves on top, then wash it down with a pot of tea. Then you unzip your pants because you have gained an instant twenty pounds, then you waddle out to your teeny, tiny car and squeeze your fat self in. (Not that I am speaking from personal experience, I've just seen it happen to me someone else). This stuff is seriously, wickedly, addictively delicious.

5. Dogs in Bars Pubs
6. Old Speckled Hen ale

Which, when enjoyed in combination, do not make for the best photography >hiccup<

7. Lambs, lambs, and more lambs

Lambs are the cutest animals in God's creation and England has endless fields of them. Sometimes we pull over and get out of the car just to watch them frolic and play, or listen to their plaintive little cries that sound just like human babies when they venture too far from their mums. But let's get real: oh sure, I might enjoy watching them romp about flicking their cute little tails, but when I see a cute little lamb frolicking in the meadow what I'm really thinking is "dinner". I can just taste how good they're going to be with mint sauce and a side of roasted potatoes. I'm ba-a-a-a-a-d.

8. English People

English people are utterly delightful with their distinctive dry humor and a self deprecating wit that pulls you right in. I love all of them in general and these two in particular. When I get within fifteen feet of these guys I start laughing and I don't stop until they are well out of earshot. And later I'll have flashbacks to something they said and start giggling all over again. They live near London and we're going to spend a couple of days hanging out with them. And laughing. And maybe petting dogs in pubs. And sipping pints of Old Speckled Hen. And eating lamb covered in clotted cream.

Well, maybe not on the bit about lamb covered in clotted cream.


  1. England sounds amazing! Having never ingested clotted cream, I feel as though I am missing out on a small part of myself. I can't get too "awww!!! how cute!!" about the sheep, however. Sheep and I just don't mix...something about nearly breaking my arm the first time I worked with them and spending too much time contorted into strange positions to facilitate shearing. They sure are tasty, though. :)

  2. I really think your trip would be enriched by my presence. No, really. What? You don't?!?!