Hello? Is this thing on?

I can't believe it has been so long since I posted, but truly it's not for lack of trying. I've been in a dither for the last week due to (1) work (2) wedding and (3) boat, not to mention (4) the little matter of a mission trip to Nicaragua in just three weeks. And as icing on the cake (5) my cell phone has suddenly decided to stop ringing and has become a one-way communications device. I want my mommie. (Actually I want to throw this piece of dookie Samsung phone into the lake and buy a Nokia, which I will do just as soon as I catch a spare couple of hours).

Anyway, here's a down and dirty update on what's news in our house:

Work: If the economy is slowing down, you can't tell it by us because we're still humping. I won't bore you with details because it's the same stuff I talk about every time--you know, the usual: yada yada, proposals due, yada yada, insurance audit, yada yada, need another engineer, yada yada, trying to keep up. Yada yada. Woe is me. Yada yada. Yada.

Wedding: We're now within 30 days of the event, the time frame in which "anything" is no longer possible due to production times, shipping times, and every other kind of time--from this point on we'll have to work with what we have or source it locally. We're at that stage in the lifespan of every project where the dreaded phrase "what a great idea, too bad we didn't think of it earlier" comes into play.

I still have no dress, although a replacement for the pole dancer dress is allegedly in UPS hands somewhere between Atlanta and Colorado. Saint Carol has once again come to the rescue by promising to figure out a solution to the excess-boob-showing problem. Her confidence is reassuring and I'm helping her help me by managing my own expectations. My initial goal for a dress that's "uber chic, flattering, gorgeous and unique" has been modified to "anything that falls in the middle of the scale between stripper and Shaker, and white". That's a lot of wiggle room to work with if I say so myself.

One musician cancelled last week due to his having surgery two weeks before the wedding. The good news: he promised to find his own replacement. The bad news: said replacement has yet to contact me nor has the original musician responded to my emails asking about the replacement musician.

In addition, I have become a shameless caterer stalker. Ours is super busy with other events (the "peak season" at the lake is now building to a crescendo that ends with a bang on the holiday weekend before our wedding) but in our hit-or-miss voicemails she tells me she has some ideas we need to talk about plus the menu still needs to be nailed down. No kidding. Call me, we'll talk. Oh wait a second--I forgot my cell phone stopped ringing. Don't call me, I'll call you. Or maybe I'll just drive to your office and sit in your parking lot for days or weeks if necessary until you show up which you know and I know you'll have to do sooner or later. (That didn't sound desperate did it? No? Good.)

And one final wedding note: after the bazillionth person (an approximate number, not an actual count) hounded us about not having a gift registry, we finally caved in and set one up. Details are on our wedding website if you insist on doing the wedding gift thing and want ideas.

Butt Ugly Boat: I haven't mentioned the Butt Ugly Boat in ages, but oddly enough yesterday two different people--actually three since one of them was bringing another person along--asked if they should appear at the Butt Ugly Boat this coming weekend to begin the much anticipated decluttering and decootie'ing of the new boat. (Even though it was only Tuesday it takes a few days preparation to suit up in protective gear akin to what CDC scientists wear on the days they handle anthrax specimens).

Sadly, the answer is no. The bank handling our financing had a problem getting their paperwork prepared in time for the closing tomorrow, and now they say the earliest the funds can be released is Tuesday. Rescheduling the closing (again) requires us to break the news to the seller whom we fear will blow a gasket when he hears the news. I checked my To Do list and didn't find "placate pilots blowing gaskets" anywhere, so this task has been handed off to Morley. I'm sure it's on his list somewhere. In fact, I'm positive about that.

Part of the problem is the bank decided the most expeditious way to do this deal was to extend a line of credit Morley has there. He does business with the "private banking" department where they treat you like an actual human being, as opposed the "what do you want now" department that I bank with. Usually the private banking people make things happen in a snap and Morley has previously used the line of credit without any problems when he bought a couple of rental houses. But since the financial markets are in a tizzy and bankers are so nervous and jumpy these days, they have new procedures involving extra paperwork and hoops to jump thru.

Part of the new paperwork involved the bank updating their appraisal on the house. They called an appraisal service and the appraisal service dispatched a clueless moron to do the job. He came back with an appraisal value $60,000 less than any other house in our subdivision, which then caused our interest rate to jump from Prime Rate minus .5 to Prime Rate plus .75, and that news in turn launched Morley and me into orbit around the Planet Saturn.

Fortunately (or unfortunately if you're an appraiser) he had left his business card with me and I passed it on to Morley last night when his orbital path looped close to Planet Earth. He snatched up the phone and called the guy to share his thoughts, and after an extended period of, uh, very enthusiastic sharing on Morley's part, the guy agreed to take another look at his analysis and to use houses within a two hour drive of our neighborhood this time. I'm sure the guy's ear drums will be good as new in no time and Morley certainly felt better after having shared.

Mission Trip: This one is in deep doodoo. There are very, very specific requirements involved and I am seriously afraid that we've blown some of them. After my relentless begging Morley for help over the past few weeks, he has taken on the project so it's moved off my plate onto his. That's a big relief for me since it's the very topic that wakes me up at 3 AM every night to do some extra worrying and obsessing. Even though Morley has taken on the worries of the project I won't be able to relax about it until he digs in to see exactly where we stand.

and finally, let's not foget to talk about...

Tomatoes: We continue to haul at least a bagful of those babies out of the garden every single day, and now people are starting to avoid us because they're wise to our tomato pushing ways. I even dropped off a bag full at the office of our storage unit yesterday after they had closed for the day (thus no opportunity to refuse the donation) with a jaunty note to "enjoy!". We are shameless 'mater pushers who do not give our prey the chance to just say no.

And that's the news from our house.

PS. Even though I'm whining about all the work involved with the wedding, we are really looking forward to it.

PPS. We won't make you take home any tomatoes.

PPPS. We might serve tomatoes at the reception.