Mar 28, 2008

My brother Bratley is a moron.

I am the office manager at work and recruiting is part of my job so I am constantly on the lookout for a candidate or two. As part of his job of being a nutcase, my brother Bradley is constantly on the lookout for opportunities to play a joke on me.

Here's a resume I received this morning in response to a posting on our website for a Senior AutoCAD technician. This is Bratley writing under his nom de plume "Anonomouse Kinfolk"

Anonomouse Kinfolk takes a spin around the facility
where he receives treatment for his, uh, "specialness"

To: HR at

I am not Mexican but I would be interested in the SeƱor AutoCAD position advertised on your home page. I can learn to speak Mexican if needed. I am unsure what AutoCAD is but I should be mostly qualified because a lot of people have told me I was a Cad.

I don’t need much more than a boat load of money. A fair sized dingy load might be within my minimum requirements just as long as there is some left over after my garnishments. My parole officer said she would approve a transfer to another officer in your area in a heartbeat. My medications are finally balanced so my past mental challenges are not worth mentioning. Some fellow named Johns Hopkins pays for all of my medications as part of what is called a case study.

Here is my resume

I was born
I received quiet a lot of correction
I was abused by my older sister
I went to school
I received even more correction
I went to work
I went on strike for more money
I went back to work for less money
I am now working
I don’t plan on ever going on strike again
I continue to be abused by my older sister

Furthermore I am quite talented at cut and paste to merge copies of two different images on high tech devices like copiers. I seem to have a natural ability towards that end and can use the enlarge and collate features. My current position causes me to navigate the various differences in many brands and models of copy and fax machines. I can use auto or hook dial with equal ease. To date I have never failed to figure one out unless you count the time I mistook a fancy high dollar printer for a copy machine. As proof of my integrity, I am currently making payments for the repairs myself. (this is not one of my garnishments)

Please let me know if you would like more information on any of the above periods in my resume. I yearn for a position that will challenge my mind and abilities. If that is not available at the current time, then I am open to discuss being an engineer or office manager, however I refuse to buy a boat to sit in an empty lake.


My brother Bradley was riding the Short Bus before riding the Short Bus was cool. It is cool these days, right?

Nah, I didn't think so.

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