Same Circus, Different Tent

Wilmer and me on a picnic long ago in a universe far, far away.
When I see this photo I don't think "oh, how sweet", I just
think what a bad 'do I had back then.

So what me had me thinking about my former boyfriend Wilmer yesterday was a telephone call I received out of the blue recently.

It just so happened that our Receptionist Extraordinaire was in another part of the building, so when the phone rang I picked it up. The caller (whom we'll call Lucy) asked for me.

As soon as I said she had me, she immediately launched into a rushed apology:

Lucy: "This is Lucy and I'm calling you to ask you to please ignore the email because my friend had no business sticking her nose in my business and when she told me what she had done, it made me furious and of course I called you immediately to ask you to please ignore it and forget the whole thing ever happened. I'm really sorry and terribly embarrassed by this whole thing and really angry even though she was my best friend and just trying to help me but I most likely will never speak to her. Ever again."

Me: Huh?

Lucy: This is Lucy. I'm calling you to ask you to ignore the email.

Me: What email? Who is this?

Lucy: This is Lucy--Wilmer's Lucy. My friend who sent you that email had no business sticking her nose into my business. I'm sorry and please ignore it.

Me: Wilmer who?

Lucy: Wilmer Gobsmacked.

Me: You mean Wilmer Gobsmacked?

Lucy: Yeah. Wilmer. I'm his girlfriend. We've lived together for a couple of years now.

Me:

Me:

Me: H-o-l-y s-h-*-t.

And in that moment, like two prisoners of war held by the same captor in the same gulag at different times, I felt an instant bond with Lucy.

Since I hadn't received her friend's email, she explained the circumstances that caused her friend to try contacting me. Let's just say it was deja vu all over again--Wilmer has not changed his ways nor learned any lessons and continues his groundbreaking work in the field of Head Games, except now Lucy is his lab rat instead of me. The friend had tried to contact me to do a little fact checking because, as usual, things weren't adding up on Planet Wilmer.

I told her about the dark old days when Wilmer had kept me in such a state of confusion that I thought I was nuts half the time, and how I had finally come to the end of my rope with his lies and deceptions and how my Operation One Good Flush had saved me. (I think I might have also recommended she watch Cathy Bates in the movie "Misery" and take a lot of notes). And then I advised her to run for the hills as fast as her legs could carry her.

I also told her she needs to patch things up with that friend of hers because she'll need a friend to lean on when things go to hell in a handbag which they invariably do with Wilmer. And then I wished her luck and told her to call again any time she wanted to.

Afterwards I thought about how bad I feel for Lucy and how glad I am it isn't me living that crazy life with Wilmer and how grateful I am for my nice sane husband who never plays mind games or tells me lies.

Then I spent the next two hours scouring the company's SPAM filter trying to find that darn email.

Wouldn't you just love to know what it said? Lawsy mercy, me too.