Mar 17, 2009

Salute to St. Patty

Here is your official Irish test: Ireland Quiz. I got most of them right which tells you how much useless crap is stuffed into my brain when I can hardly remember where I put my car keys.

Anyway, moving on with our St. Patty's theme, here is a photo of an authentic Irish leprechaun:

Okay, so that's not really a leprechaun. It's my husband after a quick trip through PhotoShop. But it is an accurate representation of what you'll feel like tomorrow if you drink too much green beer at the St. Patty's party tonight. So don't do that.

And finally, here is your official Irish Joke of the Day.


'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you! We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty!'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven!'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be Paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor.'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says Paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

(make vaudeville sound such as ba-domp! domp! here)

....And thus concludes our St. Patty celebration. Unless, of course, you want to drop by the house tonight with a six pack of Guinness beer, in which case the celebration can rock on until 7:30 or 8 PM when we tuck in for the night.

Your O'Web Empress

PS. I think the joke might be funnier if you happen to be English

PPS. I think a certain Englishman is going to kick my butt when he sees that photo of himself looking like an Irish leprechaun.

PPPS. Just kidding about going to bed at 7:30. I'll stay up til 8:30 if you show up with the Guinness.